How am I as a Commuicator?

Taking the three communication style assessments on Communication Anxiety, Verbal Aggressiveness, and Listening Styles, made me nervous initially. Then I became confident as I took them that I could be considered a good communicator. One thing that surprised me the most was how one of the people who evaluated me according to the same scale scored me high in verbal aggression. I scored myself at a moderate level. I argue fairly by making sure to only question the facts and not the character of the person giving the facts. I guess that my confrontation of the issue is perceived as an attack by other people. I cannot help if some people have a hard time separating themselves from the information they present. Knowing this, though, I will be sure to scale down my tone when questioning and watch my facial expressions and other non-verbal communication when doing so. I have learned that non verbal communication can have just as much of an effect on the delivery of a message as verbal communication can, if not more. This is an important thing for me to keep in mind while I am working with children and their families. I would not want them to get the wrong message due to my non verbal signs or feel like they are being attacked by the professional that is supposed to be taking care of their children.

How communication changes

After close examination I have found that I do communicate differently with people from different groups and cultures. I do not think, however, it is intentional. For example, with children I talk in a very simple way using examples they understand and I am very animated. With people from my culture, like my family, I am very lax in my wording and use a lot of common language known among my family. I noticed that when I visited Honduras on a mission trip, I spoke with a Spanish-like accent (quite embarrassing to admit), and I do the same when speaking with parents with a Hispanic or Latin origin. I lived in South Korea for three years and learned enough of the language to get around and converse with people. Now, whenever I am conversing  with or encounter someone from Korea, I tend to speak English like they do. My shoe repair man, Mr. Lee, appreciates this however. He says it shows I know his culture.
Some strategies to employ when communicating with others would be for me to be mindful of who I am talking to and how I am talking to them, without being disrespectful to them or their language. Another strategy to employ would be to keep stereotypes out of the background of my mind so I can form my own opinion of the person with whom I am speaking based on their personality  and not what others have said they should act like. Being competent in intercultural communication will help me to adapt my behavior toward another in ways that are appropriate to their culture.

In an attempt to see how well I could read people in their non verbal communication- I watched a show I have never seen on mute. The show was called "The Middle" and it was full of non verbal communication in the form of vivid facial expressions, over exaggerated hand and arm gestures. It was easy to figure out that it was about a family. The girl was excited about something and the brothers were not as enthusiastic and were clearly put out with her by rolling their eyes and yawning. They continued to yell at each other throughout the show. The family was obviously put out with each other in one way or another. Arms flailed, hands on hips, arms crossed rolled eyes, grimaces, and smirks, smiles, and tears filled this episode. In the same way there was just as much verbal communication that took place in the form of yelling, and very excited and fast paced talking. Turns out that the daughter was trying to plan a surprise anniversary party for her parents and her brothers could have cared less. Even though it was a huge flop the parents were happy she tried.
 It was interesting watching the show muted because it seemed so long, but when I watched it with sound, it went so fast paced and was over so quickly. I learned that more often than not the non verbal communication that you give off says way more than what you actually say.

The Communicators I know

When I think of effective communication, one person that comes to mind is my Dad. He has always made the person with whom he is speaking feel important and never less than. He makes eye contact and smiles and speaks with confidence and in a welcoming tone. He is a motivational speaker and has taught me wonderful skills in communicating with others to include actively listening, body posturing, and eye contact. I would love to model some of my own communication behaviors after him because he is effective when communicating with others. Listening takes a lot of practice, especially when you have so much to say (which is usually my case). I use the skills he has taught me in my everyday dealings with children and families, but there are some areas I need to work on, such as my facial expressions. It has been told to me that I do not have a poker face, so I need to hone up on my expressional skills. Thanks Dad for teaching me how to communicate, verbally and non-verbally!